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Family Matters: Sisters pt 1 May 27, 2008

Posted by amberpeace in family, relationships.

     Someone said to him, “Listen! Your mother and your brothers are standing outside, seeking to speak to you.” But, he replied to the man who told him, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” And, stretching out his hand towards all his adherents he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers. For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother!”  


     There are plenty of passages of scripture in all religions that cause division amongst the followers, just like there are plenty of philosophies amongst the non religious that cause division. The above passage is one of those in Christianity. People become nervous. It’s a story that is used to manipulate and tear people away from their families. I’m not writing on the theology of this passage, specifically. I is a prompt for my own personal story of asking the question “Who is family?” This will be a longer series because of how much there is to write and the easiest ways to break up the thoughts



     I have two biological sisters. They are younger than me by seven and eight years. This means that currently I am living with two teenage girls. I don’t think many people need to be told about the stereotypical Millennial teenage girl. After living with other women my age for four years, living with them is a test of the virtue of patience. My maturing and growth came under a living situation of several women who were striving for a situation where what is mine is yours and what is yours is mine. Our selfishness was constantly being pulled apart when other girls were asking for skirts, movies, and our best jewelry. You would bite your tongue and think to yourself, “It’s only an object. Why don’t I want to give it? Because I’m selfish. It’s not mine. I don’t own anything. It’s all a gift to give to others.” Of course that’s not actually what when through our heads, but that is the best way to explain the process. There was a safety and a trust in the group. You took good care of the things you were borrowing. Weren’t we all, in some way, borrowing? We owned nothing; all is a gift by grace.


     So, my biological sisters, they own things. That’s their perception. While they want me to drive them to their social lives, drive their friends home; borrow clothing, electronic devices, and hair supplies, they are wary to let me borrow anything. Often I am met with a “no.” This I have to admit, makes me angry and hurts me.

     The feelings are similar when it comes to chores in the house. While the two of them have chores, there is no discipline in my mother’s house. Often, I do their chores because a clean and sanitary house comes before “who’s responsibility is this?” Since there is no discipline in the house, there is no learning about community living and sharing the burden of a home. This has leaded to them taking advantage of the fact that they know someone else (namely me) will do the work for them.


     This isn’t a question on “What should I do?” I know what to do. The answers given to me by my faith are pretty cut and dry. You serve. You serve when you are blessed and you serve when you are cursed. I don’t stop giving because I’m emotionally spent on some days and I don’t stop working because I don’t think it’s fair. The way I’m learning to stay emotionally, mentally, and spiritually healthy is to have other sisters.



1. cbrunette - May 30, 2008

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2. kate5kiwis - June 3, 2008

i love your heart on this, but not sure i agree with the outcome. will your sisters grow up knowing how to serve and share simply because you modelled it, or are they virtues that are learned reciprocally?
i guess i’m looking at it from a mother’s point of view, because i do expect my kids (including my teens) to help out/share simply because we are all part of a team, a family. i share my stuff/time/energy with them, they share their stuff/time/energy with me.
otherwise i end up being the very resentful doormat/hotel maid, and i don’t want our lads to grow up with that expectation of their partners.
just a thought
mwah X

3. amberpeace - June 3, 2008

I completely agree, Miss Kate. I often feel like a doormat. My situation is that I’m not the Official Mother and so my requests for chores to be done fall on deaf ears. So do you live in a nasty, smelly house or do you live in one that’s clean and sanitary. You should currently see our kitchen. I wouldn’t cook anything in it – it’s probably a health hazard, but neither of the girls are going to clean it and no “adult” is going to ask them to do it. We’ll see how many days I can stand it. Currently we are on 3

4. kate5kiwis - June 3, 2008

yes amber, i definitely see where you’re coming from.
i think i would clean the kitchen, because a clean kitchen is very important to me. and a clean bathroom. and clean clothes. (i see a pattern forming here, lol)
but cobwebs? my sister-in-law came to housesit once and texted me to ask if we were doing a spider experiment for homeschooling rofl. when we came home they’d washed the entire outside of the house.
very much appreciated.

oh yes, it’s a difficult situation to “play mom” cos you don’t really have any bargaining “power” (i don’t really like that word, but can’t think of another). food is a fabulous bargaining agent here lol… like “when the room’s tidy we’ll have chocolate cake for morning tea…” works like a charm, but then i am talking mom/kiddos lol.
maybe your sisters would appreciate a trade-off?
like, swapping cleaning for cooking/baking/sharing their stuff?
tricky, love to hear if you find a miracle!!
peace and sunshine
katie X

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